.celiac has changed my vision.

Not in the sense you may think.  I'm not having double vision; blurred vision; I don't see spots in front of my eyes.  But Celiac has changed the way I look at things.  At food; at family; at friends and at life.

For all of my adult life, up until November 26, 2013, I would walk into a restaurant and never think twice about it.  I went to McDonald's; Subway; Olive Garden.  I saw food as comfort, as love, and as a fun way to spend time with family and friends.  My refrigerator and my cabinets were full of food. When I would go on a diet I would think about what I was eating; but for the most part, I would sit at a table or go through a drive-thru and never think twice about it.  Food was good and food was fun. The taste, the smell, the texture.  I loved it all.  I no longer see it that way.

For now, I see food as the enemy.  I know one day that will change; but not today.  The way I look at food, the way I feel about food.....it's poison.  It's not healthy; it's not tasty; it's certainly not comfort.  I drive past those restaurants and all I can think about is what kind of poison people are paying for.  Do they realize what they're putting in their bodies?   I was never big on nutritional facts.  I knew the basics but that was about it. I've come so far and learned so much in such a short period of time.  I've learned about grains and fibers and artificial flavors.  I've learned more about GMO and Monsanto than I ever thought I would know.  You want to know about the Paleo diet?  I'm your girl.  Grain fed vs. free range?  Yep.  I can tell you all about it.  

Now I see the label first; the ingredients first.  I don't enjoy the smells and I don't appreciate the presentation until I know what the ingredients are.  All of them. I've learned that I can't trust a menu that says "Gluten Free Options" and I can't trust a waitress who tells me my meal was prepared on a separate grill.  My vision has changed.  I no longer see food.  I see poison; I see sickness; I see destruction.  No grocery store is safe; no restaurant is safe. I don't even feel safe in my own home.  Though we've taken every precaution we can think of, I still walk in my kitchen nervous and afraid.  My refrigerator and cabinet are no longer filled with food; they're now filled with ingredients. If I don't prepare it, I don't eat it. Overkill?  Perhaps.  But 5 months of illness; almost 50 days missed from work; loss of appetite; chronic fatigue; brain fog; stomach pain and daily battles with severe stomach distress will do that to a girl.  

For now, food is the enemy.  I know one day that will change; but not today. Today my vision is skewed.  It doesn't see food the way it used to; it will never see food the same way again.  But one day, through continued education, trial and error and God willing, one day a cure, food will once again be my friend, my comfort and a way to enjoy time with family and friends.  

But until that day comes, I'll eat with caution, not abandon. I'll enjoy time with family and friends sitting around a bon fire with a good glass of wine laughing at stupid jokes; we'll hike in the forest; swim in the lake and play poker on Friday nights.  We won't worry about eating. It doesn't have to be about food.  It has to be about those you love and those who love you.

Perhaps the vision hasn't changed so much as the mind has changed.  Perhaps I'm finally seeing what's important in life.  Not what you have; not what you eat; but who you spend time with.  

But I will say this.....if family and friends were food, I'd have a feast fit for a king.